Ok, so this is from one of the funniest people I know (thanks Trinie!) who also happens to be a new mommy! She wrote it in light of the many, many changes that parenthood offers.....I almost peed my pants laughing so I hope you enjoy it too!
Some of you may be familiar with the stories, "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie," "If You Give A Cat A Cupcake," "If You Give A Pig A Pancake," etc. I love those books. This is my version of the story called 'If You Give A Mom A Sock":
If you give a mom a sock,
She'll run downstairs to add it to the load of laundry that she just started.
On her way to the laundry room (or the garage in my case), she goes through the living room where she'll notice that there is a bill she needs to get in the mail today.
So she'll take care of the bill, and while she is thinking of the mail, she'll realize that there are a few birthday cards to get in the mail today, too.
So she'll go to the office where the cards are kept. There she'll see that the litter box needs to be cleaned.
So she'll clean the downstairs litter box and go upstairs to clean that one, too, while she's at it.
Upstairs she'll see that there is more laundry that needs to be done.
So she'll bring it downstairs. This makes her think of the sock, so she moves more quickly and makes it all the way to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, she'll realize that she hasn't eaten yet today and it's noon. Since she's breastfeeding, she really needs to get some food in her system quick and before the baby gets hungry and she needs to pump again in a frickin hour even though it feels like she just pumped two minutes ago.
So she goes to the fridge to see what's in there. There's not a whole lot, which reminds her that she needs to go to the grocery store, and she starts making a list. The list paper is next to some coupons that need to be clipped, so she'll clip coupons real quick, too.
Once the grocery list is done and the coupons are together, she goes to the freezer to get some frozen mac and cheese because it's her fav and the old standby for when there's nothing to eat. She pops the mac and cheese in the mirowave and notices that the stove is smeary and has kitty tracks on in. So she polishes the stove.
After the stove is clean, she goes to throw the mac and cheese box in the recycle bin because even though she is using disposable diapers, this mom still cares about the planet.
When she goes in the garage where the recycle bin is, she sees the washing machine going which reminds her of the sock. And chances are, she'll go try and find the sock (wherever the hell she left it) and start this shit all over again.
The End. Of this story, but there really is no end as all the moms out there know!